In the warmer months of the year I forget that I have Lupus....I run and play as if I have no worries. Then the cold hits....my hands ache, my body aches, I get sores in my nose, and suddenly I feel like a 90 year old woman. UGH!
Lupus is not fun, it comes in all forms, mine come in the form of arthritis most of the time. When I am having a flare up, which I am having now, I feel like I have the flu and I get sores inside my nose....I know, gross right?! It stinks!
Another cause of flare ups is stress - um, as the mother of two young children my stress levels are already high - add in a little issue with one child, a challenging phase of another, a marriage on hold for hunting season, family drama, friend drama, busy time at work, a couple of college courses in an attempt to finish my degree, and this mama is stressed beyond stressed.
Life with Lupus is not fun, it's manageable, I have no complaints here because I watched a mother with two sons leaving my rheumatologists office and she was using a walker because Lupus affected her spine so bad that she couldn't walk without assistance. I was humbled....I can still walk, I can still go outside and play with my children, and I can still dance around as if I know what I'm doing. But that doesn't mean that my physical being isn't challenged.....today I am challenged, I worked at a football game yesterday and walked a lot in the cold. I used my hands a lot. And my immune system has been compromised because of a cold or flu that has been trying to attack me this week.
Today I am a single mommy because my husband is working and then would like to hunt this evening.....I am preparing a meal for his cousin and his cousins girlfriend who just had a little girl.....I am caring for my own children......and I have to practice hula for a performance this week. If I were a lady of leisure I could call in the nanny to care for the children, call in my cook to feed my children and Randy's cousins family, call in my housekeeper to finish my laundry, and call in my choreographer to learn the routine to teach me later - all so I could rest and focus on myself. But I live in the real world and today I will get through the day and when I can't go anymore I will go just a little more......tomorrow I will wake up and wonder why I am exhausted still and remind myself 'Oh yeah, that's right, I have Lupus".....grrr......ha! ha!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
I've Been Robbed
Borrowed From WBGL Tim and Pam In The Morning Show......it describes what I'm feeling right now.
I've Been Robbed
I was robbed during the morning show today.
I was happily minding my own business when, within a matter of seconds, it was gone. It wasn't my wallet - though there's not much money in it anyway. It wasn't my car - though my 2004 Subaru isn't exactly "theft" material. It wasn't even my identity - that was stolen last year.It was my joy. An online conversation with a frustrated listener grabbed it and took off down the street. As you might imagine, it left me in a rather rotten mood. Okay, a very rotten mood.
This listener (a pastor, of all people) was mad that he hadn't received a response to a recent email that he had sent to me, and quickly began threatening to switch his allegiances to another radio station (and speak poorly of me to others) if I didn't get back with him in a timely manner.This instant message exchange took less than five minutes, but it has left a long-lasting impression. As an employee who takes pride in my work ethic, the implication that I wasn't doing my job very well cut deep.
Between Facebook, Twitter, and email...our show receives literally hundreds of messages every week. Many radio personalities respond to very few (if any) of their messages, and (though I'm not perfect) I try very hard to do exactly the opposite.But, this isn't really about email or Facebook or even a frustrated listener. It's about me and my willingness to let someone else's actions effect my entire day.
You may have heard this phrase before: "You can't control what others say or do to you, you can only control how you react to it." It's true. But, let's be honest...that's much easier said than done, right? I certainly don't have it all figured out yet. In fact, five hours later, I'm STILL trying to get my joy back. I have a beautiful wife, two amazing boys, a job that I love, and a free weekend in front of me...and (because of a stupid disagreement) my joy is still hard to find today.
Been there?If so, maybe you can work through this with me: my identity, my worth, and my value are NOT found in other people's opinions or actions. Technically, they're not found in my wife, kids, job, or lack of weekend activities either. God alone gives me my value. The rest is trivial.
Today, I've had it backward.
Thankfully, tomorrow, I have a chance to get it right. At least I don't have any plans.
I've Been Robbed
I was robbed during the morning show today.
I was happily minding my own business when, within a matter of seconds, it was gone. It wasn't my wallet - though there's not much money in it anyway. It wasn't my car - though my 2004 Subaru isn't exactly "theft" material. It wasn't even my identity - that was stolen last year.It was my joy. An online conversation with a frustrated listener grabbed it and took off down the street. As you might imagine, it left me in a rather rotten mood. Okay, a very rotten mood.
This listener (a pastor, of all people) was mad that he hadn't received a response to a recent email that he had sent to me, and quickly began threatening to switch his allegiances to another radio station (and speak poorly of me to others) if I didn't get back with him in a timely manner.This instant message exchange took less than five minutes, but it has left a long-lasting impression. As an employee who takes pride in my work ethic, the implication that I wasn't doing my job very well cut deep.
Between Facebook, Twitter, and email...our show receives literally hundreds of messages every week. Many radio personalities respond to very few (if any) of their messages, and (though I'm not perfect) I try very hard to do exactly the opposite.But, this isn't really about email or Facebook or even a frustrated listener. It's about me and my willingness to let someone else's actions effect my entire day.
You may have heard this phrase before: "You can't control what others say or do to you, you can only control how you react to it." It's true. But, let's be honest...that's much easier said than done, right? I certainly don't have it all figured out yet. In fact, five hours later, I'm STILL trying to get my joy back. I have a beautiful wife, two amazing boys, a job that I love, and a free weekend in front of me...and (because of a stupid disagreement) my joy is still hard to find today.
Been there?If so, maybe you can work through this with me: my identity, my worth, and my value are NOT found in other people's opinions or actions. Technically, they're not found in my wife, kids, job, or lack of weekend activities either. God alone gives me my value. The rest is trivial.
Today, I've had it backward.
Thankfully, tomorrow, I have a chance to get it right. At least I don't have any plans.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Little Charlie
Our family has been blessed with a new addition....Charlie the Yorkie came into our family recently and has adjusted to the madness quite well!We were of course heartbroken to lose our Millie earlier this year and while we love our lab, Lucy, we really wanted to add one more to our tribe because we are just one of those "two dog" families I think.
Charlie is 7 months old and has been a joy - he's playful, easy for the boys to help take care of, he loves to snuggle, and one of the greatest things....he is not a yapper! We thought because of the breed, he might be - but he's not. In the first 48 hours of having him we didn't hear a peep out of him!
I know that the responsibility of taking care of our dogs falls mainly on my shoulders - but I don't mind this 9 lb. sweet face. He is enjoyable, sweet, and we feel truly blessed with him!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
ADHDOS
I just had to share a funny story.....in looking back at my past posts, I've been a little preachy - I'm going through a lot and this is my outlet
So I was talking to my brother Denis about Logan and his diagnoses of ADHD and Denis had a lot of insight due to the fact that his two sons have gone through similar disorders. And as he was talking he mentioned that he himself had ADHDOS, when I asked him what that was he said "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Dis...OH SHINY" - ha! ha! This is so me - I walk into a room and have no idea what my intentions are in that room. I open a cabinet and have no idea what I wanted out of there.
I am self diagnosing myself with ADHDOS and I know that there are others out there that can relate to me.....let's form a support group and meet once a month for margaritas and dancing! ha! ha!
So I was talking to my brother Denis about Logan and his diagnoses of ADHD and Denis had a lot of insight due to the fact that his two sons have gone through similar disorders. And as he was talking he mentioned that he himself had ADHDOS, when I asked him what that was he said "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Dis...OH SHINY" - ha! ha! This is so me - I walk into a room and have no idea what my intentions are in that room. I open a cabinet and have no idea what I wanted out of there.
I am self diagnosing myself with ADHDOS and I know that there are others out there that can relate to me.....let's form a support group and meet once a month for margaritas and dancing! ha! ha!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
How do you feel about your judgement day?
In a lifelong journey of growth spiritually I asked myself this morning "How do you feel about your judgement day?" and surprisingly I feel good about it. I know that I have not been a perfect person in God's eyes, however, I feel as though the good I have done has been with the best of intentions, never selfish, and always with the love in my heart.
On Sunday I went to church, to my Catholic church, the one that I feel as though I struggle with....it became clear to me that the only struggle I am having with my church is that I don't make an effort to go and maybe I am just making excuses about why I don't go. When I do go the message speaks to me, as it did on Sunday, and I leave there with a clear mind and a purpose to think about throughout my week.
This Sunday was about following through with God in all aspects, not just praying on your own, saying grace at the dinner table, but attending church and living your life by following God's plan. Message received loud and clear and while I will not be a person that goes overboard with my beliefs and my religion, know that I am actively following God's plan for me. I know what my purpose is, I know what my life plan is, and I am on that journey because I fully intend to get to heaven.
Another message that was so obviously meant for me was dealing with friendships and about being a friend because you truly want to and not because you have selfish motives behind it. This is something that I have so clearly been dealing with lately and I left church with the answers that I have been seeking on this very issue. I know that when my judgement day comes, it will never be a question of if I have been a true friend or not, because I am. I give myself fully to others and never have a selfish intention behind it. I never expect to get anything from others that I am a friend to. My only intentions as a friend is to bring joy, help heal, and to lend a hand.....never to get anything in return. And those are the only kinds of friends that I want in my life.....friends that are kind to me without expectations or thoughts of "what am I going to get out of this".
How do you feel about your judgement day? Is the path that you are on one you are living with a whole heart? Are you following God's plan for you? How do you feel about yourself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend? What areas do you need to work on in your life? You know there is a saying that I like "You are not a Christian just because you sit in church on Sunday; If you sit in a garage does that make you a car?" - do you follow what you claim to believe? Do you live your life with a purpose that promotes goodness?
I have witnessed so much negativity in relationships lately, so much hypocrisy, and so much selfishness......I just want to say to those people in my life "why do you walk around asking what you are getting out of life, when you should be walking around asking what you are giving to the world around you." I feel good about my judgement day, I know I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm being the best person that I know how to be and isn't that part of the plan?
On Sunday I went to church, to my Catholic church, the one that I feel as though I struggle with....it became clear to me that the only struggle I am having with my church is that I don't make an effort to go and maybe I am just making excuses about why I don't go. When I do go the message speaks to me, as it did on Sunday, and I leave there with a clear mind and a purpose to think about throughout my week.
This Sunday was about following through with God in all aspects, not just praying on your own, saying grace at the dinner table, but attending church and living your life by following God's plan. Message received loud and clear and while I will not be a person that goes overboard with my beliefs and my religion, know that I am actively following God's plan for me. I know what my purpose is, I know what my life plan is, and I am on that journey because I fully intend to get to heaven.
Another message that was so obviously meant for me was dealing with friendships and about being a friend because you truly want to and not because you have selfish motives behind it. This is something that I have so clearly been dealing with lately and I left church with the answers that I have been seeking on this very issue. I know that when my judgement day comes, it will never be a question of if I have been a true friend or not, because I am. I give myself fully to others and never have a selfish intention behind it. I never expect to get anything from others that I am a friend to. My only intentions as a friend is to bring joy, help heal, and to lend a hand.....never to get anything in return. And those are the only kinds of friends that I want in my life.....friends that are kind to me without expectations or thoughts of "what am I going to get out of this".
How do you feel about your judgement day? Is the path that you are on one you are living with a whole heart? Are you following God's plan for you? How do you feel about yourself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend? What areas do you need to work on in your life? You know there is a saying that I like "You are not a Christian just because you sit in church on Sunday; If you sit in a garage does that make you a car?" - do you follow what you claim to believe? Do you live your life with a purpose that promotes goodness?
I have witnessed so much negativity in relationships lately, so much hypocrisy, and so much selfishness......I just want to say to those people in my life "why do you walk around asking what you are getting out of life, when you should be walking around asking what you are giving to the world around you." I feel good about my judgement day, I know I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm being the best person that I know how to be and isn't that part of the plan?
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