How do you feel about your judgement day?

In a lifelong journey of growth spiritually I asked myself this morning "How do you feel about your judgement day?" and surprisingly I feel good about it. I know that I have not been a perfect person in God's eyes, however, I feel as though the good I have done has been with the best of intentions, never selfish, and always with the love in my heart.

On Sunday I went to church, to my Catholic church, the one that I feel as though I struggle with....it became clear to me that the only struggle I am having with my church is that I don't make an effort to go and maybe I am just making excuses about why I don't go. When I do go the message speaks to me, as it did on Sunday, and I leave there with a clear mind and a purpose to think about throughout my week.

This Sunday was about following through with God in all aspects, not just praying on your own, saying grace at the dinner table, but attending church and living your life by following God's plan. Message received loud and clear and while I will not be a person that goes overboard with my beliefs and my religion, know that I am actively following God's plan for me. I know what my purpose is, I know what my life plan is, and I am on that journey because I fully intend to get to heaven.

Another message that was so obviously meant for me was dealing with friendships and about being a friend because you truly want to and not because you have selfish motives behind it. This is something that I have so clearly been dealing with lately and I left church with the answers that I have been seeking on this very issue. I know that when my judgement day comes, it will never be a question of if I have been a true friend or not, because I am. I give myself fully to others and never have a selfish intention behind it. I never expect to get anything from others that I am a friend to. My only intentions as a friend is to bring joy, help heal, and to lend a hand.....never to get anything in return. And those are the only kinds of friends that I want in my life.....friends that are kind to me without expectations or thoughts of "what am I going to get out of this".

How do you feel about your judgement day? Is the path that you are on one you are living with a whole heart? Are you following God's plan for you? How do you feel about yourself as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend? What areas do you need to work on in your life? You know there is a saying that I like "You are not a Christian just because you sit in church on Sunday; If you sit in a garage does that make you a car?" - do you follow what you claim to believe? Do you live your life with a purpose that promotes goodness?

I have witnessed so much negativity in relationships lately, so much hypocrisy, and so much selfishness......I just want to say to those people in my life "why do you walk around asking what you are getting out of life, when you should be walking around asking what you are giving to the world around you." I feel good about my judgement day, I know I'm certainly not perfect, but I'm being the best person that I know how to be and isn't that part of the plan?

Struggling with faith

Some things have happened recently that have me questioning faith. Recently I have been facing things that I feel like I could find the answers to in church. But I don't feel a connection to my church - I was raised Catholic and still attend (I use that term lightly) the church I have grown up in, but oddly enough I don't feel a connection because it's such a strict religion and frankly haven't followed the rules and am doing okay - so I feel like a bit of an outcast in a sense.

Not only am I struggling with that, but if I were to break away from my church and begin researching or even attending a new church, how would I tell my parents. My family have been strong Catholics for generation and I almost feel like I am a bigger disappointment if I decide to be Christian or Methodist vs. not going to church at all. However, our family has faced major disappointments and I almost feel like if I were to change churches that would be a fairly mild thing to do.

I pray, I have faith, I believe, but I'm just struggling with the fact that the religion that I know to turn to doesn't support me in what I believe in. I want to give my children a good foundation in faith, and have sent them to religion classes every Wednesday night since they were eligible, but they are being forced to go just like I was.....but I have been less strict about attending church every Sunday. I feel like I am praying so much about this and all the while I am needing direction.

I need direction in how to be a good wife, parent, daughter, sister, and friend. In my life right now I am struggling with all of those things. My husband and I are dealing with the stresses of parenting a child that has major anxiety issues, my family is dealing with the deceit and lies that are the result of an extra marital affair, and within my group of friends we are dealing with a change in personalities that is threatening our relationships. I feel like I need to turn to someone who can guide me through this. The other weekend I found myself saying "who is taking care of me?" - and I know who is taking care of me....I just don't know where I fit in to worship him.

So I am struggling with my faith and I think it shouldn't be something that is stressful, but feel like I am going against generations of Catholics here and have to think that they would all support me in this knowing that I am seeking out direction and am turning to my faith for that.

You know it's been awhile, but I'm glad ya' came.....

I have taken a break from blogging due to complete chaos in our lives....remodeling! My husband and I take our tax return and put it into home improvement projects and this year those projects were mainly indoors - new paint, new flooring, new tile, etc., etc., many changes in our home and I am a very lucky girl because my husband knows how to or at least figures out how to do it all himself.

In addition to the busy lives we lead I have found myself with not a lot to say lately - I am blessed with an amazing family, a beautiful marriage, great children, and friends that are more dear to me than life itself. However, there's a situation I find myself in that hasn't been easy and it's been a tough choice for me and so that has quieted me a little. Fortunately the spring is giving me the feeling of new life and with the choices I've made I feel like a new life is awaiting me and it's refreshing!

Now, I am sure that your interest is peaked, so what is this choice I've made? Well, I decided to remove toxic people from my life and while it can sometimes be as simple as hitting the delete button on your friends list on Facebook, other times it's family members and that's not as simple. After years of being the brunt of negative comments and ridicule from one particular person, I decided that it was time to cut the cord.....I wanted so badly to form a bond with this person and it simply never happened and even though I gave up - I know that I made great efforts to have a relationship without any reciprocation, so I don't consider that failure on my part, I consider that her great loss.

My husband has been caused great pain by this decision, and it's not pain inflicted by me.....it's coming from the other side. And it makes me sad for him - he is an amazing person that deserves all of the happiness and love in the world and I am really blessed that he came into my life when he did. He has saved me from myself so many times and I am the person I am today because of him. And I feel like I have shown him what true love is and that love is shown in your words and your actions. We are certainly not a perfect couple and as recently as Saturday night had an argument and talked things out and worked through it like two adults - that's what marriage is about - it's not being negative, spouting cruel comments at each other, and holding grudges.

I think it's unfortunate the situation we are in and fear that it will be too late for the other party involved to really know what it's like to have my husband and I on their side - we are good people, we are willing to help anyone in need without questions or expectations, we are hard workers and we are fully self-sustained and don't depend on others to contribute to our lives so that we can survive. Maybe because we are pretty much drama free we seem boring.....but we are far from that. Some people thrive on drama.....but our lives are so stressful as it is - we try to avoid drama at all costs. The only drama in our lives is inflicted by others and if they don't know this by now, we don't care - we may have cared about it at one time, but we really don't care about it now. Life is too short.

So while I've been quiet, there has been a lot going on.....both home remodeling and life-remodeling! ha! My heart is full and my life is good - what more could a girl ask for? Well, maybe some new shoes? ha! ha!