When our first child was born I thought that I had everything planned out.....he thought differently. He has definitely shown me that there is no textbook definition on how to raise a child - he challenges me, he educates me, and he is overall a really great kid. I write this with a heavy heart because my son is broken, he is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how it happened and I blame myself anyway.....isn't that just what mom's do?
I want to say that he's been a difficult child for some time, but that feels too harsh - he's been very challenging. And this year, especially right off the bat with school, he seemed to struggle with a lot of anger and anxiety that honestly I didn't know how to handle. I did what I could to get him to a counselor who just yesterday diagnosed him with ADHD, an anxiety disorder, and a bit of an oppositional disorder. She described him perfectly - he is not a trouble maker in the traditional sense - he likes things to go a specific way and when something changes or doesn't go the way he thinks it should he can't handle it. He can't handle change, he can't handle disappointment, and he can't handle doing things differently or imperfect.
In school he can't sit in his seat, he shouts out answers, he goes to the window during a spelling test and points out birds, and his teacher, God love her, has been amazing!
Yesterday it was suggested that we try medication and counseling as a way to get him through this.....now I know it's controversial and I have been opposed to medications for the treatment of ADHD, so I won't say what our decisions have been to help Logan, but we chose the best option for our son and our family and we are going to handle this the best we know how. As a wife and mother, you want to take care of your family the very best you can and I feel like I do the best I can every day - when someone you love so much is hurting, your world has to stop spinning just a little so you can hold them a little longer, say all of the things you need to say a little more, and take every extra second you can get with them. When my child is broken, so am I and I'm just doing the best I can to fix his "boo boos" while I still have the chance.
There is a saying that I've always loved about parenting "the fingerprints on the wall get higher and higher and then they disappear" and you just have to love them while you can and hope that you are doing your very best in the time that you have them.