Wow, it's been since April since I last posted - holy cow! A lot has happened in the past month and a half and I guess I just haven't taken the time to write......or I simply haven't had time to write! Here are some mini blogs for you......
Are you a good citizen? - You know I love my little town and feel protective of it because it's where I've grown up, it's a place that I want my children to feel safe in, and I think enough of my town to want it to stay as quiet and neighborly as possible. With that being said, there was an incident on Sunday that shook me to my core and I hope that my actions were right. While on my walk I ventured into the neighborhood that I grew up in and while walking by a small house I heard voices, loud voices, and then little voices. The loud voices were screaming things that shook me up and scared me.....abusive, hateful, and vicious.
I continued to walk, thinking about what I could do, trying not to be naive in thinking that as a parent I haven't lost it a time or two. However, on my way back the voices had gotten louder and even more violent, enough that I jumped and prepared myself for something terrible. What could I do without interfering? There were small voices with fear in them and I felt as though I had to protect them. Luckily the police station was close by and I walked in and relayed my story to them and they were going to check it out. I went home and hugged my babies. Now I wait and I worry that everyone involved is okay and that my decisions were right.
Are you a good friend? - My friendships are super important to me, they always have been. I make sure to check in with my friends to see if they need anything, and am always willing to drop what I am doing to help anyone out. That has always been my style and even more so now that most of my friends are busy wives and mothers themselves.....we could all use an extra set of hands every now and then.
There are friendships that I had been concerned about in recent months, feeling a little used maybe, or maybe it was just disappointment, or maybe it was concern. I don't know what I was feeling, but I wasn't feeling great about the friendship and questioned myself "If you are being a good friend to someone and they aren't a good friend back, why do you continue being loyal to them?" - and before I could answer - it happened. A moment we have all been faced with, something we thought was so important that we risked everything for, my dear friend judged me and was disrespectful to me because I wasn't doing something that they thought I should do.
I was and still am hurt, confused, and heartbroken because of their actions and I am mourning a loss of a friendship that will never be the same. Is it over? Yes. Have I accepted their apology? Yes. Am I done talking about it? Absolutely. Are we ever going to be the same? No.
I thought about this on my walk yesterday, shortly before the other incident (my walk was really insightful and interesting yesterday!), and this is what I came up with. There are things that happen in your life that change you, and my hope is that the moment the change happens, I am a better person than I was the moment before the change occurred. I hope that the decisions I make in life always make me a better person and I hope that I am able to take a negative and make it positive in every situation. The situation with my friend has made me really look at our friendship and to see how much value I put into our relationship and to rethink that a little. Is change always good? Nope, but it shifts the direction you are going and gives you a fresh perspective on things and that's what I have, a fresh perspective on my friendships.
Are you a good spouse? - I love my husband, I really do. I have been with him as a partner since I was 16 going on 17.....Sound of Music fans, I know you just sang that, like I did!....we have been friends since I was 14. Does that mean that our marriage is perfect, not by any means - we fight over who did the dishes last, who wrote a check and didn't put it in the checkbook, etc. But we respect one another and love one another enough to know that in the scheme of things - none of the petty stuff matters and when it comes down to it we are a good team and we value one another immensely.
When you have kids, your marriage seems to get placed on the back burner, and dates with your spouse soon become a group cookout with friends where you are chasing the kids around, a trip through a drive-through fast food joint and the latest children's movie, or sitting in the ER waiting room with a child who is vomiting and running a temp. So when you schedule a date with your husband, you suddenly feel your heart flutter with excitement, you look forward to the moment you are in the car with him and know that you won't be refereeing fights from the back of the car, you dream of the menu that doesn't come with crayons and a cool keepsake cup, and you dress up in the outfit that is pushed to the waaaaaay back of your closet behind the sweat pants and zip up hoodies.
Aahh......my sweet husband recently planned a date and we enjoyed both dinner and a movie and we did not, I repeat, we DID NOT stop by the grocery store to pick anything up on the way home. We watched a hilarious R-rated movie and we ate a great meal where we quietly talked about life. I can't wait for our next date, maybe I will plan one soon and surprise him. Until then, I look back and think of what a great time I had and how it was nice for those few hours to just be man and wife and not dad and mom.
Are you a good student? - Just because you are no longer in school, doesn't mean that you should stop learning. With that said, I'm back in school.....ha! I have taken awhile to complete my Bachelor's degree and with the encouragement of my husband and my boss - I am taking classes again so that I can do that. I know that 6 semester hours doesn't seem like much, but it is.....and I have added it to my plate along with everything else and I am trying to find the balance. I am doing my very best and I hope that when I walk across the stage to get my degree, I will show my children that you need to value yourself enough to set goals and follow them through no matter how long it takes.
This my friends is all for today - I hope that you are having a great summer and that I will check in more often.