Since we last talked......

I have been struggling - as a mother, as a woman, as a person......but not struggling to eat chocolate - so no need for alarm! ha! I think we all struggle in our lives at some point and the past week has handed me a few challenges.

As a mother.....specifically, as a mother to boys - I am struggling with aggression, lying, and doing things to intentionally hurt another feelings. I must say as a child, I had a wild imagination, and tended to lie a bit in order to make my life seem more exciting.....so I have talked to my children about some of the times when I got caught lying and how the act of lying hurts everyone. Of course we have gone over the story of the little boy who cried wolf several times!

The aggression, well, that's our fault for not paying more attention to what video games the children were watching and maybe not paying close enough attention to the things they watch on television. We fell into the trap of wanting to give our boys everything in the world to make them happy, and now we are not taking that away, we are replacing the war/wrestling video games with family board games and television has really fallen silent in our house as we have been spending more time outside and playing imaginative things as a family.

And respecting others.....well, we are working on that, and I am trying to make the boys more sensitive to others feelings. This seems to be helping and I have had less fights to referee in the past week.....less fights is the key word here. I think there will always be fights because they are siblings!

As a woman I am struggling with the reveal of summer clothing.....can I get an "Amen" on that one. Here is a note that I typed to a dear friend of mine who is struggling with baby weight - and I typed it for myself as well.......I hope it helps you today.

"With the warmer weather coming, I lugged the big container of summer clothes out of the attic and pulled on some of my shorts from last year PRAYING that they would fit....not because they are my dream size, but because I didn't want to have to go out and buy bigger. (We all know the defeated feeling when you have to go to the clothing store and buy a bigger size.) Everything fit okay, however, showing more skin just makes me even more self conscious.....my jeans hold my fat in, my shorts do not! ; )

When I reached the bottom of the bin, there they were, my swim suits.......and in my head I heard the "ree, ree, ree, ree" sound from the movie Psycho. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Before children I would have let this really get to me and would have turned to extremely unhealthy ways to lose weight. However, now that I have kids I have a responsibility to show them that nutrition and exercise are the only way that you can be healthy and the focus should not be on skinny. This is the gift of motherhood - a "do as I say, not as I do" type attitude when it comes to life. I have always been the bigger girl - standing at 6 foot tall when I was 15 was tough! In my 30's I am proud of my height and some days my weight! And I have to feel lucky that every day I wake up and can get out of bed and care for my children. With my lupus I have joint pain in my hands, my lower back, and my hips - so I have to sometimes find alternatives for exercise - but the point is that I have to exercise. And focusing on nutrition isn't always easy because there are so many temptations out there......that's when the focus needs to be moderation and not deprivation. It's okay to eat one or two cookies.......it's not okay to eat the whole box.

We are all beautiful women, and just like our homes - we are all built differently. But our strengths, our beliefs, our goals in life.....are very much the same - and we definitely compliment one another in personalities. I don't look at you for the sizes you are or are not for that matter, I definitely don't judge you for sitting on the couch watching Oprah and eating a box of chocolates, and I don't disapprove when you decide that you aren't going to exercise today. I support you all in every aspect of your lives and am here for you regardless of the need......and I know that you all would return the favor.

We all have goals and it might help to express them to one another and if we can just check in and see how one another is doing, that might help. My goal is to lose 10 pounds by May 30th. Seems easy right? I've been struggling with these same 10 lbs. for about a year and a half now.......grrr! Once I get to that point I will re-evaluate and see if I feel like I need to lose more - I feel like maybe a total of 15 lbs. would be good, but I want to start with 10!

I hope you all have a great day and know that I love you and support you 100%!"

As a person......well, I have been challenged this week a person that has lashed out at me due to a situation in their life. Many things they have said have been personal attacks directed at me and I am trying let it all slide because I know this person is upset. I do have a kind heart and have prayed that the reasoning for the situation presents itself soon so that maybe life returns to normal again. I am also praying that I can maintain my patience, I know that I am certainly not the reason the person is in the situation they are in and that I don't deserve their ugly words.